The Pygmalion Project

You may or may not know the story of Pygmalion. In ancient Cyprus, Pygmalion went on a search for the perfect woman. One problem, he couldn't find her (go figure). So he decided to build one. He had the perfect woman carved out of stone and he fell madly in love with her. The only problem? She was made of stone. Aphrodite felt bad for him (I'm not sure why) and turned his woman of stone into flesh. A true love story indeed.

In the field of psychology there is a phenomenon based on this myth. I learned about it in a family relations class I took in college and it has always fascinated me, because I've found it to be crazy true.

The Pygmalion Project is a struggle going on beneath the surface in relationships. Basically, each member of the couple is trying to change the other into their "perfect" mate. The problem is, they were attracted to their mate for a reason and part of that reason is their "imperfection." If they succeed in their efforts, they are often disappointed, because the person they fell for isn't the same anymore.

I started thinking, Are we doing the same with God? Am I trying to change the image I have of God? And what happens if I succeed? When I attribute characteristics to God that aren't true, I am doing that very thing. It may be impossible to change God as you can change the person you're in a relationship with, but you can certainly change, dilute, or distort your image of God. I can easily start to believe untruths about God. When I do that I am pretty much composing my own god out of stone. A god that accepts my sin. A god that brushes over my mistakes. A god that is mellow. A god that is passive.

If I'm honest, I am much more comfortable with a loving, always accepting, grandpa, teddy bear of a god. I am much more comfortable with a passive god, because that means I get to be in control. I think the root of this is biblical. In Genesis 3 it talks about "a woman's desire being for her husband." What that means is a desire for his position, a desire to be in control, and I think that desire does not end with "my husband's" position, I think I'm after God's too. In fact, I often breeze over, excuse, and belittle my sin, when in fact, God is far from cool with it, though He graciously forgives it.

Men distort their image of God too. Their ideal god is cool with their sexual immorality. At the very least he tolerates it. Don't believe me? Check out every religion created by men, it ALWAYS involves a distorted view of sexuality. Mormons? polygamy. Islam? a buttload of virgins. The greeks? Oracle sex. And the list goes on and on, but it is not just limited to other religions. Lets face it, guys would really like it if God was cool with or glazed over their desire for pornography or their lust for other women. The issue is rarely talked about publicly, but is a secret struggle for many good men. When the truth is, God is far from tolerate of it. Though He provided mercifully for it's covering a long time ago.

If we're not careful, if I'm not careful, to preserve my image of God for who He really is, I'll attribute characteristics to him that are untrue. I'll in effect change Him into someone I'm more comfortable with and in the meantime I'll be creating my own god of stone. The result is not only that I have distorted His image, but I am no longer attracted to Him or desire Him, because the god I've created is no longer holy, righteous, or just. I've succeeded in completing my own version of the Pygmalion Project. He is no longer Him and most likely I'll blame Him for my lack of desire for Him. I'll wonder why He's become silent. I'll cry out to my god of stone, while a holy, perfect and true God is waiting for me to acknowledge Him for who He truly is.

Is your god a god of flesh or stone?

Good Stuff Coming soon.

And by soon, I mean like later today, but I'm so excited about it I thought I'd give a teaser.

"Women want a god who is passive. So they can feel loved and walk all over him. Men want a god who is cool with them having sex with everyone and everything."

yep, I actually said that. Check back in for a full explanation later :)

Short Comings

I'm short. Not midget short, but definitely below average. I didn't know I was short until I was in first grade. Peter Brionez told me. During 1st recess he told me that I was so short I looked like a tater tot. I didn't have a come back. I just went back into class when the bell rang and then went home and cried. Now it doesn't seem that terrible. I mean tater tots are awesome and thanks to Napolean Dynomite they have become a pop culture staple.

I wonder how long it would have taken me to figure out that I was short if Peter Brionez hadn't told me.

There are some things about being short that are nice that you might not be aware of (especially you tall people):

1. Low center of gravity, I rarely fall.

2. I've never been too tall for a guy

3. I don't hit my head on things

4. Never have to worry about high waters (well, I guess I have to worry about actual high bodies of water, but not the fashion don't)

5. I'm awesome at hide and go seek

6. I always have enough leg room. period.

7. I've never scared a child.

However, with all of these advantages, there are some drawbacks:

1. People pet you a lot

2. they also pick you up. Not cool.

3. there's the obvious inability to reach things on the top shelf, that sucks.

4. I'll never be "discovered" as the new face/body of Chanel

5. I think it contributes to people not taking me seriously.

6. No matter how old I get I'll look like a kid.

Whatever the pluses and minuses are, I am, and there's no fighting it. I couldn't look at Peter Brionez and tell him, "no I'm not," or "so are you," because what he said was true. Harsh, strange, immature, but true. I wish it was as easy to admit short comings about myself that aren't so obvious. When I'm faced with criticism I usually have a come back. Why do I fight even what I know deep down to be true? Why would I rather pretend to be taller than I really am? Especially when I'm not fooling anyone. Why do we fool ourselves into believing we are a bigger deal than we actually are? Why do I care so much about covering up those short comings? Do I really believe I am fooling anyone else? Do I really believe that if I argue hard enough, and hide long enough, that the world around me will think I'm good and perfect?

I think I do. On some sick level, if the people around me think I'm good, a nice person, fun, sweet, friendly, insert whatever you wish to be here, then it must be true. Why don't we want to believe about ourselves what we already know to be true on some level? Probably cause it sucks. Probably because it's a lot easier to think we're doing better than we actually are. That's why I'm thankful for the Peter Brionez's in my life. People who can be honest with me about my shortcomings. I just hope I can grow to acknowledge them, accept them, and work on changing them.

My dear reader there are areas in your life where you are a "tater tot." I can only hope you have a more tactful Peter Brionez in your life to let you know.

Faces of Stone

Have you ever really looked at old people? Like a lot of them? I grew up in Armenian church, so I became an expert in interpreting old people. The human form and it's aging is fascinating to me. Recently, I've become more in touch with the idea of my own mortality. We get old. At 25, my body is starting to change and each day I look more and more like my mother, which isn't a bad thing at all, but it is different. While I know, I hope, I have a long way to go, it's made me think about how people choose to cope with the process of aging.

As a young girl, I studied the faces and personalities of the old people around me. Partly out of fear and the rest out of a morbid curiosity. I mean, they were EVERYWHERE. Some old people are really scary. They hate kids and their faces all look like that guy on the bitter beer face commercials.

Then there are some who make you feel warm and safe just looking into their eyes. There is a peace and comfort in some and with others a bitterness and sharpness. As I studied, I developed a theory. I came to realize that as we age the soul of a person gets closer to the surface. You can read it in the lines of their face. Those who age gracefully and those who don't. There are those with laugh lines, and others that seem to have faces of stone and as life has caused their souls to grow bitter and their hearts cold, their outside seems to more and more reflect their insides. Youth is beautiful because it's full of potential and is unmarred by the sometimes unfair, sometimes wonderful, sometimes beautiful world we live in. I've realized the older we get, the harder it is to hide behind your youth. We are forced to take responsibility for ourselves. For who we are becoming and what we have become. Youth and ignorance are a perfect excuse, but it only works for so long. At some point we have to take an active roll in who we are becoming, or we'll blink and life will have passed, and we won't be ready to face the reality in the mirror.

C.S. Lewis said, "You don't have a soul, you are a soul, you have a body." I couldn't say it better if I tried. The essence of who you are is so pure, but that's not all there is to the story. There is a myth out there. A myth that you have to just "discover" who you are. In the movie "Hitch" there is this line that I love. Hitch is telling a dweeby guy that he needs a new pair of shoes. The guy says the shoes aren't really "him." Hitch says, "You is a very fluid concept right now." Who you are is a fluid concept, it is not set in stone. As life happens it must be not only discovered, but developed. Each day, each decision I make, I shape the image of who I am (aka my soul), the life I will lead and ultimately what image my soul will have as it begins to peek through the shell it's incased in.

(and yes I WILL be wearing this when I'm 90)

I hope to be the kind of woman who's eyes tell a story of grace, of love, of peace, and of acceptance of who I am and who I'm not. I hope to age gracefully with Christ. To have my soul become more like Him, so children won't be afraid of me and so I won't resent who I become. I hope to maintain a sense of humor, to continue to take myself less seriously and choose to care about things that matter and get over things that don't. It's going to take work. It's going to take faith and it's going to take time, if I'm lucky, it'll take a life time, but it's something I'm going to start today. I'm going to start by evaluating myself honestly. By asking others to. By recognizing and accepting and changing what I need to. I'm going to start by spending more time with Christ.

What are you doing to develop your soul?

My Holiday Theory of Hope

Hey Blog friends.

It's been awhile. Hope the holidays have been treating you well. I had a unique experience this holiday season that I wanted to share with you.

I've been pretty "mum" on the subject of my guy and that's intentional for a couple reasons. It's also the reason that it's been a little quiet on the blog front for awhile. A lot of what I'm currently learning centers around him and us. It's just the nature of this dating beast and I'm either way too respectful of him or way to selfish to share that just yet. However, I will share this with you.

Leading up to Christmas we often said to each other, "It just doesn't feel like Christmas."

I heard many of my friends of a similar age and season of life saying the same things and I started to wonder, why are we all not "feeling" Christmas this year?

Christmas for me, is usually a mix of sentimentality, reflection, family, and a sense of wishing and even missing the past. Missing the Christmas's and special times with family. The fuzzy memories of precious time wrapped in magic and wonder and probably lacking even a splash of reality. The same components are still there. My family, the sights, sounds, tastes, and excitement, but nothing is quite like the hope for and anticipation of Christmas as a child. Teenage Christmas's just weren't childhood Christmas's filled with wonder, excitement and magic. Teenage Christmas's were melancholy looks at what Christmas had been, at least for me. So, the ones after that were really less about experiencing this holiday and more about reflecting on the ones I'd had.

But something changed this year. This year I wanted to be in the "present" and I'm not talking about gifts. Was it because of the "him" in my life? Maybe, that was probably at least part of it. Was it because I'm finally letting go of some past seasons that were painful? That may be part of it too. I think I finally accepted this year that the best moments of my life haven't happened yet. Each Christmas will be different like each year. Each will have it's ups and downs and hopefully each will have it's lessons learned. That's the beauty of this ride.

All I know is there is something beautiful and hopeful about being able to live in and appreciate the moment we're in. I love sentimentality, history and looking back, but this holiday served as a good reminder for me, that for as much as we look back we also have to keep up, to move forward, to move on in some cases, and to pursue what we're in. To embrace and enjoy where we are at.

This year will not be what was.

Depending on the year you had that statement can carry a lot of different emotions. For my friend who got married this year, that statement was a little sad. It's no longer their first year. Though that's exciting, it's a little bittersweet. For those who 2009 held immense pain and challenges, 2010 will not be what was. It will be what it will be. Instead of attempting to hold onto the past and failing, or fumbling at trying to figure out the future. Do today. Each day this year.

My resolution. To experience this year fully. To learn a lot. To live(fully) a whole year.

Skin Deep

I've always felt like there was a bit of a dichotomy in me. A side of me that loves this blog and what it represents, my adventures and meager attempts to explore the things I don't understand. Then there's this other side of me that loves expression in a different sense.

So I started a new pet project. A blog called Skin Deep. After a significant amount of "wardrobe consulting" for friends and frequent questions about what I'm wearing and where I got it from, I've decided to share my faves, inspirations, guilty pleasures, obsessions, and secrets with as many of you as will listen. Follow me. Experiment. explore. comment and enjoy!

Cambria June

If I had a fishing supply store I'd call it "Keeping it Reel"

I'm continually surprised by the volume of women I encounter who are still enslaved. I'm not talking about women who are enslaved to obvious sin. I encounter them frequently as well and I am among them sometimes, regularly if I'm real honest. What I am surprised to encounter are women who are enslaved to their own image. Obsessed with trying to be the "perfect Christian girl." An oxy moron in and of itself.

For generations "The Church" (not one specific), our culture, and societal pressures have told women to conceal their true emotions. We're all supposed to be little June Cleavers. Little Pearl wearing, pie baking, husband loving, kid driving, June Cleavers. There is nothing wrong with being those things, in fact, a lot of them appeal to me, I love pearls, but the idea that a woman can be perfectly all those things, all the time is ridiculous. That's why an entire generation of women concealed their true emotions with quaaludes and martinis. Take my great grandmother for instance. She was raised to believe she wasn't a sinner (when I can tell you from first hand experience, she was). Sinners were bad people who murdered and she was a good armenian girl, not a sinner.

Things aren't exactly the same. We're not just expected to be the perfect wife anymore. We're expected to be the perfect employees, room moms, soccer moms, students, and the perfect Christian women.

We've come a ways since then, but not that far. Now it's ok for women to be sinners, but it's not ok for them to say HOW they sin. They are very generally sinners. Not that we are to boast in sin, but can we be honest about it? Can we be honest about the process God has us in? With the veil torn we come not as male or female, but one in Christ (Galations 3:28). Which means, we have the same responsibility to fervently pursue Holiness. We can't pursue what we won't allow the Spirit of God to search out in us. We can't sort out sin we aren't willing to face head on. We can't cleanse ourselves of what we aren't willing to shine light on.

It's time for women to stop monopolizing their time with how to fix the men in their lives and start admitting they have work to do on themselves.

I'm sick of seeing women obsessed with trying to pretend they are perfect. Always happy, always together, seemingly unacquainted with pain and sorrow. Unwilling to admit how hard life can be. Not in an effort to discredit God's ability to meet our needs in every circumstance, cause He surely is, but acknowledging the elephant in the room that this sanctification process is and should be hard. We are trying to overcome our very nature. At the very least, considering the pain of this world and the amount of people who have NO HOPE, NO FOOD, we should at the very least be somewhat burdened for them at times.

Paul was joyful in the Lord, but He wasn't bubbly all the time. Many of his writing is quite melancholy actually, because he was experiencing physical pain and because he was burdened for the lost that surrounded him.

Don't misunderstand me there is nothing wrong with being happy, or being joyful. It's one of the fruits of the spirit and we should be joyful. And despite what a lot of my writing sounds like sometimes, at the end of the day I am very satisfied. I think some women hide behind a false sense of joy. In doing so, they cause those who are suffering, those who are brave enough or forced to face their sin head on, to think that they could never attain that level of holiness. The truth is they can't, cause it's fake.

I aspire to be the kind of woman who is honest about her sin, but doesn't make excuses for it. Who is acquainted with pain, but maintains a peace that God is in control. Who pursues Holiness with tenacity and who allows her attitude and heart to be teachable and protest louder than her mouth. I'm going to be honest, I'm not there yet, but I see a few women that are...

Darlene Hanson, Cindy Heffner, & Wendi Mooney, just to name a few, so I know they exist.

What I'd like to see... Real women. Honest women. Authentic women. As Paul says in Second Corinthians: "Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you? You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody." 2 Cor. 3: 1-3

Paul allowed those he invested in to be the testimony of the quality and depth of his walk with God.

So, ladies, let's allow those around us to be the testimony of our walks... not just our facebook posts. Let us desire to be honest with ourselves and with others about the state we are truly in, so we can experience true growth and true community together.