Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My love affair with Amos Lee

At first it was just a crush and I thought maybe it was just infatuation. But these feelings are real and go much deeper than I first expected. I am absolutely in LOVE with Amos Lee and I don't care who knows it. 

His sultry voice and soulful lyrics touch my soul and I'm just going to say it, unapologetically, because it's the truth, even though it is sappy. Though in my mind he is a very single, lovely man who loves Jesus and respects women, I realize that is most likely fantasy. However, I think he accidentally nailed the core struggle of walking in holiness with Christ. 

In his song "Seen it All Before" he has this lyric that has always haunted me. "Stuck between the depths of my fears and the peaks of my pride." And that is exactly it. He unintentionally nailed the daily struggle we experience to walk in step with Christ. Every time I fall, every time I choose something besides Christ it's because of one of those things. My fear or my pride. 

My pride tells me I don't need Him, that I got this. My fears tell me I can't trust Him. When I am emptied out before the Lord that is what gets exposed. My fears and my pride. And that is what they feel like! My pride is puffed up like a peak and I come crashing down off the top of it when the Lord in His grace humbles me before I'm too much of an idiot. And my fears.. they feel like depths. When I wallow there in my fears and insecurities, they are paralyzing and when I truly search them I realize the black hole-like spiral they send me into. 

Somewhere in between those places, of darkness and fleeting self sufficiency there is a sweet spot of dependency on Christ. This beautiful place that is much less dramatic and maybe even less exciting than bouncing back and forth through the extremes of emotion we experience when we ping pong back and forth between living in fear and living in pride. But the peace that we're longing for in the core of us is there, one that's beyond understanding.

Let yourself fall in love.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=el74EUL1swQ

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