Sunday, December 20, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I'm continually surprised by the volume of women I encounter who are still enslaved. I'm not talking about women who are enslaved to obvious sin. I encounter them frequently as well and I am among them sometimes, regularly if I'm real honest. What I am surprised to encounter are women who are enslaved to their own image. Obsessed with trying to be the "perfect Christian girl." An oxy moron in and of itself.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
29To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me.-Col. 1:29
Monday, November 2, 2009
November is one of my favorite months and I'm not just saying that. It's at least top three for sure. The smells and sounds refresh me in a way my words wouldn't do justice. Where I live there are a lot of oak trees that shed their leaves this time of year. There is something captivating about the growth and changing of these trees. It mirrors for me the potential we have as human beings for growth. A challenge that is equally daunting and beautiful. Beautiful because of the opportunity for change and the possibility for each individual to overcome past wounds, present shortcomings, and avoid future pitfalls; and daunting because unlike the trees who shed their leaves without thought or effort, we must choose to shed ours.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Upon further investigation, I don’t think I gave you the whole story. You see, a few months ago, everything changed and all the sudden all of my theories and all of my rationalizing couldn’t explain it away. A few months ago my Aunt & Uncle, who have courageously tried to get pregnant for sometime now miscarried their twins, Billie & Miles, at almost 6 months into her pregnancy. And just a few weeks later I watched dear friends of mine say goodbye to their little boy, Tyler James Rumley.
What was remarkable to see in Jerrod & Jen Rumley was their response. Faith and honesty in the midst of what can only be inadequately described as an utter tragedy. I tried for a few months to write something about it, something about them, but I couldn’t. I just felt like there was nothing significant to say after that. Words didn’t express enough. They couldn’t express the ache in my heart for all of them. They couldn’t express how completely pissed I was that this was happening. And they couldn’t express how helpless it is to sit by and watch such an injustice occur. And I watched them get up and give glory to God and I realized; I had no idea what faith really was.
So I got pissed. And more pissed. And months went by and I was still really pissed. Why would this happen? What possible benefit could there be to this? How would a good God ever allow this to happen? So pretty much for months, this has been internally circling around. And even a month on another continent couldn’t change it.
This week I had a tiny breakthrough. In reading a, let’s be honest, sorta boring passage in Deuteronomy, about the law, I discovered something. God is a God who loves justice. He has blessings and curses laid out for the Israelites that are so clear and quite frankly fair. That’s when I realized, God loves justice, and we’re the ones who don’t. And we can’t. Follow me here for a sec. As soon as we sinned, so long ago, we forfeited our right for justice, for a fair world. It’s the same injustice that has caused me to question the character of God by which I am saved. If not for the injustice of God these tragedies would not be allowed, but if it were not for His injustice, none of us would be saved. So we’re forced to live by faith. Trusting what we do not see played out in reality and what we aren’t able to rationalize into something positive, productive, better, or fair. We are forced to trust Him.
Honestly, I’m still pissed for them. I still don’t get it. It will still never be ok or make sense, but it isn’t ok to Him either. If I wish to remain upset I can only be upset with the sinful nature I was born into and the unfair, cruel world I must exist in, for what I’m sure I will learn someday, isn’t that long at all.
That’s the Truth. The Whole Truth. For now.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
I think all of my problems could be boiled down to truly recognizing who Jesus is and who I am in comparison.
Working for a church and being around the things of God a lot, I am in the business of "God" so to speak, it's easy to become desensitized. Overexposed. To take for granted who God truly is and what He has done. Too often I become too familiar and lose the sense of Awe, Wonder and Fear I should have as I approach Jesus. Instead of being a humble worshiper I become a cold hearted Pharisee, who finds my identity in the work I do and not in who I am in Him.
Pharisees have had this problem for awhile. When they met Jesus for the first time they had mixed reactions.
They gossiped about him to his disciples (Matt 9: 11)
They questioned his leadership (Matt 12:2)
They blasphemed him (Matt 9:34)
They were looking for a way to discredit him (Luke 6:7)
They plotted to kill him (Matt 12:14)
Why did the people who were supposed to be waiting for Jesus not recognize Him when He was right in front of their face? Too busy doing what was right? He didn't fit their paradigm? Too proud to need a Savior?
Regardless of the reason, they missed it. They missed him. If I'm not careful I can miss Him too. When I fail to recognize Jesus for who He is in my life, When I begin to define myself by what I do and not who I am in Him, I've missed Him.
By contrast, Jesus meets a man filled with an army of demons who receives Him quite differently. We know this man only as Legion, here's his response to Jesus:
6 When he saw Jesus from afar, he ran and worshiped Him. 7 And he cried out with a loud voice and said, “What have I to do with You, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore You by God that You do not torment me.”
When the man possessed by the army of demons saw Jesus from afar, he ran and worshiped him. If a demon responds to my Jesus like that, how much greater should my response be? A demon knows better than a pharisee who Jesus is, because he knows he is in opposition to him, a pharisee is, but doesn't realize it. His identity is in His empty obedience to legalistic "good works." Being a pharisee is like dying by carbon monoxide poisoning. It's a slow and silent death of the soul.
If I truly recognize who Jesus is and who I am by comparison. I'll run to him, fall before him, and worship him.
Ok, so I was a little overzealous with this whole week of blogging in the middle of lots of events, storyboarding, and residency, so my bad. Instead, I'm going to give you the Legacy's I've been left. Abridged. Here you go...
Monday, April 6, 2009
Hey Blog friends,
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
At first it was just a crush and I thought maybe it was just infatuation. But these feelings are real and go much deeper than I first expected. I am absolutely in LOVE with Amos Lee and I don't care who knows it.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I like people. A lot. The people in my life are important to me. Sometimes I will go to great lengths to show the people I care about how much I care about them. It's been about a month since I've seen my grandmother. I know that because the last time I saw her it was when we were shopping at TJ Maxx and in order to save an extra 20% that day I opened up an account with them. They have a 28 day billing cycle, and my bill was due today. When I realized that I figured I should see her, because I assume if I haven't spent quality time with a person in awhile, they probably think I don't care about them.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I've never been happy with the physical art I've created. I always have this definite picture in my head of how I want it to look and the finished product is never even close to what I had imagined. I don't think real artists have that. I don't think they know the end before the beginning. Most artists say that they let the picture take them where it leads or something vague and frustrating like that. I started to wonder, Is that indicative of my life? Do I have a picture of what I want the end to be? Am I disappointed when God does something else, even if it is better for me?